Faith isn't always... Tiffany Smiley

This is one of my journal entries from a couple months before Scotty’s injury. I believe that God used this experience to prepare me for what we would go through a couple short months later. Through the waiting and fear I learned that faith isn’t always a leap, sometimes it’s just taking one little step after another, trusting God every moment is the key.

February 24th, 2004:

It has been a while since I last wrote and a lot has happened. One of the worst days of my life was Dec 22, 2004, the day after my first wedding anniversary. I had talked to Scotty around mid-night my time and he told me he was heading to lunch. I woke in the morning and got ready for work and decided to check my email to see if Scotty wrote, when the homepage opened the first headline I saw was that there was a major explosion in the Mosul mess hall during lunch time, 22 dead and hundreds injured.

I immediately went and turned on the news and sure enough it was confirmed at lunch time a suicide bomber blew himself up at FOB Marez mess Hall.  I tried to get it out of my head, I headed off to work with my mind elsewhere, but all I could think was if Scotty was hurt? Dead? Were some of his friends injured? I went to work thinking I would be okay, then someone started talking about it in the break room and for the first time I broke down and started crying.

I went downstairs and collected myself. Our friend Kevin McDonnell called me several times, it was good to talk to him. After I felt somewhat collected again, I went back to work and finished my 12 hour shift. I did not sleep at all that night. I was just waiting for someone to knock on my door. The next day was also miserable, still no word…..Then finally the word came, CPT Jacobsen was killed along with many others. My heart broke. I was rejoicing in the fact that once again The Lord surrounded and protected Scotty, but my heart was breaking for my friend Riikka and her 4 children who were grieving. This was a very difficult day.  People at work were very supportive and allowed me to switch my shifts to go to the memorial services. It was so very sad. It was good to hug and cry with Riikka. This was probably one of the hardest weeks of my life.

I then had to cling to the Lord even more as fear and hopelessness tried to take a hold of me.  Christmas came and went it was a cold lonely Christmas but I was reminded of what Jesus birth meant and what it has done for me and that gave me hope.

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