April 13th 2005
Where do I begin. I feel so hopeless. The Lord is so great and I have nothing, so I give it all to Him. I give it all. They say Scotty probably will not be able to see again and I’m so broken. I keep reminding myself that I have to take this one day at a time, one day at a time. I pray for healing and I pray that I would wait patiently on the Lord and allow him to heal my sweet Scotty. As a wife, this is the scariest thing I can imagine. I have to continually give it to the Lord. I’m so broken, so broken. I turn my eye to the Lord, He is my strength and I do have to believe that He works all thing for good for those who love him.
This journal entry reminds me of the pain I was feeling. Everyday Scotty and I live with the reminder of our pain. But coming through it we can see the beauty in it. It has taken years, but our suffering and pain was not for naught, nor is yours.
It is during our darkest most painful times that we are changing the most, and God is continually at work in us. I remember often feeling so alone, I look back now and know I was not alone, I was being carried and God was seeing us through all of it. I love this quote from Streams in the Desert:
The glory of tomorrow is rooted in the drudgery of today. Many people want the glory without the cross, and the shining light without the burning fire, but crucifixion comes before coronation.